if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
