no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
