So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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