Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
