I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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