is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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