you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
