I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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