Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
