okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
