I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
