Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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