I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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