When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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