I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
