I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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