Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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