Where is the hickey?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
