I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
