i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
