i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
