masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
