How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
