yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
