did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
