No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
