I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
