just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
