You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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