Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
