Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
