She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
