The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
