It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize