so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
