Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
