Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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