If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Acid is not a monday night drug
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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