On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize