this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
