What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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