There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
