Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize