you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He passed out mid-signature
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
