i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
