I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
