so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
