Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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