Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize