maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
