I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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