I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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